Friday, June 28, 2013

Knowing your Limits

I am a little sad today...okay...I am a lot sad. (Bad grammar helps cheer me.)

First, let me bring you up to speed. I received my license a few weeks ago and have been waiting, waiting, and waiting for "the call."

Well, last night I got it. My case worker called (whom I have never actually spoken to) and wanted to set up a time to come visit. Then it happened.

She uttered the long awaited words, "We have a placement in mind for you."

(Pause for a jig).

She began to share a few details about a teenage girl that needed a home. My heart began to drop. My caseworker wasn't even giving background details, but I immediately knew from the diagnosis that the child had experienced some tough stuff!

The internal wrestling match began and continues. I don't even need a definite decision until next Friday, but I think I already have one which brings me back to sad.

My heart says, "Go for it!"

My head says, "Stop."

If I leave my emotions out of it and ask myself the question, "Can you accomplish the necessary aspects of life and still offer this child what they need?," the more I start to worry that I can't. This child will need constant attention and discipline, a schedule like none other, and an emotional rock as a parent.

I can already hear some of you asking, "Well, isn't that what every child needs?"

To you I say, "Multiply the normal attention and discipline by 100 and you have this kiddo."

I am worried that I can't help this poor girl at this point in life. I feel like I am giving up on a child I have never met. I have already stayed awake at night worrying what will become of her if I don't at least try. I am not in this for easy, right? I signed up knowing that the chances of "normal" are minute.

Of course, you hear how hard it is to watch them walk or be carried away!

No one told me how hard it would be to do the walking.

In reality, I have to remember that I am limited. I cannot be the rescuer to every child. Oh, how I long to be, but it is not my job. Christ alone is the Saviour of this child. Jeremiah 29:11 is good for her too! He already has a plan for her young life. Plans for a future. Plans full of hope! And that is my comfort today. I am limited, but God is not.